First & foremost I'd like to say, welcome back. I know I've been gone for awhile but it has been fucking hectic with life & university & shit.
Some of you must be wondering what the fuck is "UK 6", well UK 6 here is about the clothing size. In this blog post I would like to address a fucking major problem in my life, it has been affecting my life since forever but it is also something I'm too afraid to admit.
Being on social media, it's easy to conceal the hidden issue. I have the liberty to select what to display publicly and, of course, I choose to show the best parts of my life. Except for one thing it's usually unproblematic for me to post things about my life and that one thing is my body. I am so FUCKING INSECURE about my body. Hard to believe huh? To some it might seem that I'm confident and I love my body but let me tell you it's not fucking true, not one bit.
Do you look ever look into the mirror and just break down? Cry like a fucking child and I'm not talking about sobbing, I'm talking about ugly crying. The ugly crying where your face becomes all wrinkly and you just can't stop crying In those moments nothing seems to help, not even the person you love so much. You just want to fucking disappear because you can't accept your own fucking reflection. It drives you to do things you end up regretting. Note that I'm not fucking exaggerating or bull shitting you, all of this happened to me, so many fucking times and it can happen anytime. So for those that think that it's just a typical body insecurity that you sometimes have when you are hormonal, it is not. Although you know that it's not ideal to stare at yourself in the mirror, you just can't fucking stop and the more you fucking look, the more you fucking despite yourself.
When your head is fucking with you, you just have to simply comply. Unless you fucking kill yourself there isn't much you can do.
Eating becomes stressful because even though you desire to eat, you just can't. Before eating something you must grab your phone and google the fucking calories that is in that item because you are so fucking scared of being fat even though EVERYONE around you constantly remind you that you are not. Sometimes when you starve your body for so long you begin to binge then you think about what you just ate and then you self-loathe which eventually leads to more crying. After a period of time it becomes obsessive, you start taking metabolism pills & over work yourself at the gym & pile in detox drinks hoping that it can burn of the calories that you intake. The skinnier you are the happier you are and you are willing to fucking do anything for the result. You LOVE your bones, you admire them, you caress them, you are so fucking PROUD of them.
Yet in front of others you continue to pretend that you are so fucking happy, that you are sane and that you enjoy eating. Honestly, it's fucking ridiculous.
I am far from happy and there is nothing I fucking hate more than myself. That's the truth.
Just disclaiming, not that I really care, but I am not writing this for empathy nor for compliments. I'm writing this to express myself, to fucking clear my head and maybe help others that might go through the same shit that I am.
For those who truly concerns about me, I am getting better and for those who are battling similar or even the same monster here are some tips (ish):
1. Try to pick up yoga, you don't have to be flexible (I'm fucking not), it's about connecting with your soul and focusing on your breathing and yourself.
2. Stock up on fruits and veggies, it will come in handy when you want to snack.
3. I like to drink lemon water when I wake up, it helps me control my eating (perhaps it might help you).
4. Cliche but carry a bottle of water with you EVERYWHERE and drink it.
5. Try eating later, have fruits and veggies for breakfast then proper meals at around lunch. (Please don't trash me, this is what I do, I do not encouraging starvation, I still eat breakfast but like an apple or a banana so if you are usually hungry in the morning please eat).
6. DON'T BUY UNNECESSARY SNACKS, like try.
7. I also love black coffee, no sugar.
I'm not a nutritionist so don't rely on me please, these are just something that I do to help ease my anxiety.
Well that's it for this blog I guess?
Như
Tuesday, 27 February 2018
Saturday, 28 October 2017
Blank Page
On the 26th of October 2017, I officially started a new chapter of my life. It was the day where I left my home, Saigon, to begin a new journey in another country, Singapore.
Nothing will be the same anymore, now I have to be more responsible, independent, and smarter than ever because welcome to adulthood. It's thrilling really, this new chapter, it's the chance for me to refresh, to change and to improve. It's time to apply what I've learned from my mistakes and to accept my failures to be better; Easier said than done but I will try.
The hardest part was to leave behind all the beautiful memories in Saigon, there are so many special ones that are just unforgettable. From chilling at lounges with my mates, to eating 20k vegetarian bánh mì, to using McDonalds as a smoking hub. All these memories with these amazing people, the same ones that have helped me to become who I am today. If you guys are reading this then I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for dealing with my shit, thank you for hanging around with this fucked up individual and finally thank you for not giving up on me. I'm sorry I wasn't the best friend or the funniest or the coolest person but just know that you guys mean a lot to me and I fucking care about all of you. Me caring for someone, that's rare.
Writing this makes it sounds like I'm not coming back home ever but I am. I mean, Singapore, it's only 2 hours away from home, the only problem is money but I am budgeting and saving. Honestly, I know life have fucked me many times before but I'm excited to face whatever challenge life is preparing for me and I think I'm ready.
This post is quite short cause it's just a quick life update and, yes, I did overthink again.
Như.
Nothing will be the same anymore, now I have to be more responsible, independent, and smarter than ever because welcome to adulthood. It's thrilling really, this new chapter, it's the chance for me to refresh, to change and to improve. It's time to apply what I've learned from my mistakes and to accept my failures to be better; Easier said than done but I will try.
The hardest part was to leave behind all the beautiful memories in Saigon, there are so many special ones that are just unforgettable. From chilling at lounges with my mates, to eating 20k vegetarian bánh mì, to using McDonalds as a smoking hub. All these memories with these amazing people, the same ones that have helped me to become who I am today. If you guys are reading this then I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for dealing with my shit, thank you for hanging around with this fucked up individual and finally thank you for not giving up on me. I'm sorry I wasn't the best friend or the funniest or the coolest person but just know that you guys mean a lot to me and I fucking care about all of you. Me caring for someone, that's rare.
Writing this makes it sounds like I'm not coming back home ever but I am. I mean, Singapore, it's only 2 hours away from home, the only problem is money but I am budgeting and saving. Honestly, I know life have fucked me many times before but I'm excited to face whatever challenge life is preparing for me and I think I'm ready.
This post is quite short cause it's just a quick life update and, yes, I did overthink again.
Như.
Friday, 20 October 2017
Overthinking.
Hence the title, this little rant is going to be about overthinking. To some, this might be an occasional thing or just a mild overthinking but to me this is such an issue that I just can't simply over come.
Overthinking sounds normal but it becomes severe when you overthink and start thinking about the worst. I don't know whether it's because I overthink or because I'm a pessimist. It's probably both. A mixture of these things make a bad situation absolute shit.
Me overthinking leads to so many shitty things, it occurs on almost a daily basis and over everything.
An example of one of the daily things, I might "accidentally" throw my cigarette bud somewhere then I imagine that it might light something on fire then the fire spreads into something bigger, because the fire is so big it might hurt someone or many others. Then after 14304371 years of overthinking I will then either step viciously on my cigarette or pick it up and throw it somewhere safer. A normal, rational human being will just leave it because the chance of a dimly lit cigarette bud lighting the whole city on fire is quite unlikely.
A bigger and more personal story now. So I went to Singapore to visit my boyfriend for a month, but because I was stupid enough to not check my entry date I overstayed 2 days and only realised that on the day I was flying back, so I rushed to the immigration checkpoint (ICA). Since it was only 2 days and I didn't do it on purpose e.g. for a job, therefore I only got a warning and had to pay for an extension but before this happened, I thought I was fucked. Before this, when I was waiting for my number, anxiety was just engulfing me. I was panicking, swearing, basically I was shit scared. My boyfriend tried to calm me down but my thoughts were drowning me. I was just thinking of the shittiest scenarios. My thoughts went something like this, "Shit what if I go to jail, what if I can't get my student pass, what if I can't go back to Singapore". From these thoughts, more things were developed like, "What if I can't see him again, what will happen to us? he's one of the only good things in my life, my family would be so disappointed in me, I'm so fucked up, this was all my fault" and finally "I hate myself". This didn't only affect me, it was also affecting my boyfriend, luckily in the end everything was fine and I was just an illegal immigrant in Singapore for 2 days by accident (I just turned 18 like 3 months ago, before this event, great start to adulthood!).
Right now, since my student pass isn't here yet, my overthinking habit is slowly killing me.
Sometimes I wish I can function rationally and not so pessimistic but it's just one of the shitty things about me that I can't change (I tried). Or maybe everybody else also feel like this and I'm just fucking over exaggerating everything again.
Well I feel better now after ranting, thank you for reading. I'm sorry my life isn't so interesting but I told you so.
Như.
Overthinking sounds normal but it becomes severe when you overthink and start thinking about the worst. I don't know whether it's because I overthink or because I'm a pessimist. It's probably both. A mixture of these things make a bad situation absolute shit.
Me overthinking leads to so many shitty things, it occurs on almost a daily basis and over everything.
An example of one of the daily things, I might "accidentally" throw my cigarette bud somewhere then I imagine that it might light something on fire then the fire spreads into something bigger, because the fire is so big it might hurt someone or many others. Then after 14304371 years of overthinking I will then either step viciously on my cigarette or pick it up and throw it somewhere safer. A normal, rational human being will just leave it because the chance of a dimly lit cigarette bud lighting the whole city on fire is quite unlikely.
A bigger and more personal story now. So I went to Singapore to visit my boyfriend for a month, but because I was stupid enough to not check my entry date I overstayed 2 days and only realised that on the day I was flying back, so I rushed to the immigration checkpoint (ICA). Since it was only 2 days and I didn't do it on purpose e.g. for a job, therefore I only got a warning and had to pay for an extension but before this happened, I thought I was fucked. Before this, when I was waiting for my number, anxiety was just engulfing me. I was panicking, swearing, basically I was shit scared. My boyfriend tried to calm me down but my thoughts were drowning me. I was just thinking of the shittiest scenarios. My thoughts went something like this, "Shit what if I go to jail, what if I can't get my student pass, what if I can't go back to Singapore". From these thoughts, more things were developed like, "What if I can't see him again, what will happen to us? he's one of the only good things in my life, my family would be so disappointed in me, I'm so fucked up, this was all my fault" and finally "I hate myself". This didn't only affect me, it was also affecting my boyfriend, luckily in the end everything was fine and I was just an illegal immigrant in Singapore for 2 days by accident (I just turned 18 like 3 months ago, before this event, great start to adulthood!).
Right now, since my student pass isn't here yet, my overthinking habit is slowly killing me.
Sometimes I wish I can function rationally and not so pessimistic but it's just one of the shitty things about me that I can't change (I tried). Or maybe everybody else also feel like this and I'm just fucking over exaggerating everything again.
Well I feel better now after ranting, thank you for reading. I'm sorry my life isn't so interesting but I told you so.
Như.
Wednesday, 18 October 2017
Rainy Days
Waking up on rainy days can either be relaxing or fucking horrible. Some days it's nice to wake up to such a gloomy day, knowing that it's raining so you don't have to go out and socialise, always a good excuse besides asking your mum to pretend that she doesn't allow you to go out. Yet some days waking up to a rainy day can be so traumatising, looking out memorising all the shitty things that have happened in the past, even though you don't want to think about it.
Honestly I don't fucking know why I'm ranting about rainy days, it's raining here and I guess the cold, cloudy sky just give me an inspiration to write? I know there are more important shit to write about but I'm just not feeling it. Sorry. Yes, I despite rainy days because I can't draw or paint outside my balcony but I love it at the same time.
Rainy days are kinda nice, the rain drops are like the tears that I find difficult to produce, the dark sky reflects my mood, how the clouds are covering the sun but the sun is still there, just not visible to the naked eyes. Like how my soul is covered by darkness yet there's still a glimpse of light, I just have to believe that it's still there, no matter how dull it may appear. I like how the rain feels on my skin, it's so cooling and refreshing. I like how the breeze casually drifts by, washing away the heat of Saigon. I like to listen to the rain, how the droplets just touch the first surface that they come in contact with, vibrating out those calming sound waves. It drowns out the thoughts in my head, even just for a while, it's enough.
Smoking a cigarette, or cigarettes in my case, while looking out at the rain is quite an experience (I'm not encouraging you to smoke and please don't start just because I said it's "quite an experience", I'm killing myself is alright but not others). Watching the smoke getting carried away by the wind gives my eyes that dose of aesthetic. Meanwhile drinking that hot bitter black coffee just warms up my internal. In addition to the sound of rain, a dope ass indie playlist on spotify just completes it (try listening to these artists; No Vacation, Dream Girl, Cuco and other related artists lmao). To me a combination of these things gives me serenity.
Something positivity? After the rain, there's usually a rainbow (usually not always). Just like how life is a fucking roller coaster, it goes up and down, sometimes more downs than ups but at least there are ups right? In the end it's still fucking terrifying (both life and roller coaster, optimism is too much for me, I tried).
I'm sorry for this boring random post about rainy days, it's just my artistic interpretation of the situation and I don't know what the fuck am I doing so yeah.
Till next time?
Như.
Honestly I don't fucking know why I'm ranting about rainy days, it's raining here and I guess the cold, cloudy sky just give me an inspiration to write? I know there are more important shit to write about but I'm just not feeling it. Sorry. Yes, I despite rainy days because I can't draw or paint outside my balcony but I love it at the same time.
Rainy days are kinda nice, the rain drops are like the tears that I find difficult to produce, the dark sky reflects my mood, how the clouds are covering the sun but the sun is still there, just not visible to the naked eyes. Like how my soul is covered by darkness yet there's still a glimpse of light, I just have to believe that it's still there, no matter how dull it may appear. I like how the rain feels on my skin, it's so cooling and refreshing. I like how the breeze casually drifts by, washing away the heat of Saigon. I like to listen to the rain, how the droplets just touch the first surface that they come in contact with, vibrating out those calming sound waves. It drowns out the thoughts in my head, even just for a while, it's enough.
Smoking a cigarette, or cigarettes in my case, while looking out at the rain is quite an experience (I'm not encouraging you to smoke and please don't start just because I said it's "quite an experience", I'm killing myself is alright but not others). Watching the smoke getting carried away by the wind gives my eyes that dose of aesthetic. Meanwhile drinking that hot bitter black coffee just warms up my internal. In addition to the sound of rain, a dope ass indie playlist on spotify just completes it (try listening to these artists; No Vacation, Dream Girl, Cuco and other related artists lmao). To me a combination of these things gives me serenity.
Something positivity? After the rain, there's usually a rainbow (usually not always). Just like how life is a fucking roller coaster, it goes up and down, sometimes more downs than ups but at least there are ups right? In the end it's still fucking terrifying (both life and roller coaster, optimism is too much for me, I tried).
I'm sorry for this boring random post about rainy days, it's just my artistic interpretation of the situation and I don't know what the fuck am I doing so yeah.
Till next time?
Như.
Monday, 16 October 2017
Uranium & Radium
Radium, a radioactive element, very unstable and lethal.
It was discovered by a very talented female scientist, Marie Curie, yet it was also the thing that killed her.
Similar to that deadly element, I own an unstable mind which has the ability to fuck me over. No one wishes to be unstable but it's inevitable and when it chooses you, you just have to live with it. At first it was like a nightmare, uncontrollable and scary, I just wanted to wake up but I couldn't. I was locked inside a burning room, raging in pain, poisoned by incomplete combustion. All I wanted to do was to break down and cry but tears were limited, almost none. I was hurting people that I loved and I was afraid of my own self. Writing this in past tense make it seems like I'm stable now but trust me I'm fucking not. As I said you just have to live with but you can suppress it, put on mask and pretend that everything is fine, although you're exploding internally. Sounds easy huh? It's fucking not. It took me a month to fully know how to learn a butterfly knife trick but until now I still can't fully cope with my unstable mind.
Let me just briefly explain what having an unstable mind is like. I had to google the psychological name for this "Borderline personality disorder" or BPD. Some common symptoms for this are; unstable emotions, deep insecurity (not just mild insecurity), impulsive behaviour and self-harm. By the way I am NOT a psychologist so I'm not capable of diagnosing or treating anyone. Ok let's break this down (if it feels like a psychology lesson, I'm sorry I'm just a nerd).
Unstable emotions meaning that one moment you might be in extreme joy yet the next moment you just feel like absolute shit, the difference here from a mood swing (PMS) is that it doesn't only occur prior to your period, it happens almost daily for a long period of time. Imagine skyping your friend/boy friend and you guys are just having a good time then suddenly you just want to fucking crawl up into a ball because you feel so fucking insecure (this is for another rainy day) and terrified of everything around you. Now plus that with a pessimistic mind and depression, there you have it, a recipe for disaster. That is me. Moments like that I fucking hate myself, I mean most of the time I already do but especially then.
When you have nothing and feel sad it's a normal human response to compensate with lacking something but when you have everything and life is suppose to be a breeze yet you still fucking feel sad then you know there's something wrong (I realised this after reading the book "Error 404" or "Lỗi" by Plaaastic, if you guys are Vietnamese I do recommend).
Hmm, where do I even start with the impulsive behaviour? I've punched walls countless amount of times, almost got hit by cars and bikes, also, countless amount of times. I played with my butterfly knife, cut myself from it (many times) yet I'm still playing with it, but I'll never forget when I collided with a car in Singapore. All for the adrenaline rush of feeling alive, I just wanted to go faster and faster until it was too late and I tried to hard brake on my bicycle but ,shit, it was too late and it was also a rental bike. The scary thing here is that, instead of being aware or afraid I was laughing at the situation. I could've been injured but I was just joking about it. Yes, I did all these things from impulsions yet most of the times I just covered it up with "I'm just clumsy". When the impulsive behaviours lead to self harm, you know you are fucked. My impulsions have left me with many scars that I just have to accept, I mean I caused them, lmao.
Living, knowing that you have the ability to hurt people around you, it sucks, but when you've seen it and experienced it, it's a fucking shit show. To those I've hurt, if you are reading this, I'm sorry and you have every right to fucking hate my guts. For those who've experienced it and stayed, thank you and please ready for more. On a positive note though, I'm handling it a lot better, and if you are experiencing the same, don't be scared to find help. Stay strong.
That's all I guess?
Như.
It was discovered by a very talented female scientist, Marie Curie, yet it was also the thing that killed her.
Similar to that deadly element, I own an unstable mind which has the ability to fuck me over. No one wishes to be unstable but it's inevitable and when it chooses you, you just have to live with it. At first it was like a nightmare, uncontrollable and scary, I just wanted to wake up but I couldn't. I was locked inside a burning room, raging in pain, poisoned by incomplete combustion. All I wanted to do was to break down and cry but tears were limited, almost none. I was hurting people that I loved and I was afraid of my own self. Writing this in past tense make it seems like I'm stable now but trust me I'm fucking not. As I said you just have to live with but you can suppress it, put on mask and pretend that everything is fine, although you're exploding internally. Sounds easy huh? It's fucking not. It took me a month to fully know how to learn a butterfly knife trick but until now I still can't fully cope with my unstable mind.
Let me just briefly explain what having an unstable mind is like. I had to google the psychological name for this "Borderline personality disorder" or BPD. Some common symptoms for this are; unstable emotions, deep insecurity (not just mild insecurity), impulsive behaviour and self-harm. By the way I am NOT a psychologist so I'm not capable of diagnosing or treating anyone. Ok let's break this down (if it feels like a psychology lesson, I'm sorry I'm just a nerd).
Unstable emotions meaning that one moment you might be in extreme joy yet the next moment you just feel like absolute shit, the difference here from a mood swing (PMS) is that it doesn't only occur prior to your period, it happens almost daily for a long period of time. Imagine skyping your friend/boy friend and you guys are just having a good time then suddenly you just want to fucking crawl up into a ball because you feel so fucking insecure (this is for another rainy day) and terrified of everything around you. Now plus that with a pessimistic mind and depression, there you have it, a recipe for disaster. That is me. Moments like that I fucking hate myself, I mean most of the time I already do but especially then.
When you have nothing and feel sad it's a normal human response to compensate with lacking something but when you have everything and life is suppose to be a breeze yet you still fucking feel sad then you know there's something wrong (I realised this after reading the book "Error 404" or "Lỗi" by Plaaastic, if you guys are Vietnamese I do recommend).
Hmm, where do I even start with the impulsive behaviour? I've punched walls countless amount of times, almost got hit by cars and bikes, also, countless amount of times. I played with my butterfly knife, cut myself from it (many times) yet I'm still playing with it, but I'll never forget when I collided with a car in Singapore. All for the adrenaline rush of feeling alive, I just wanted to go faster and faster until it was too late and I tried to hard brake on my bicycle but ,shit, it was too late and it was also a rental bike. The scary thing here is that, instead of being aware or afraid I was laughing at the situation. I could've been injured but I was just joking about it. Yes, I did all these things from impulsions yet most of the times I just covered it up with "I'm just clumsy". When the impulsive behaviours lead to self harm, you know you are fucked. My impulsions have left me with many scars that I just have to accept, I mean I caused them, lmao.
Living, knowing that you have the ability to hurt people around you, it sucks, but when you've seen it and experienced it, it's a fucking shit show. To those I've hurt, if you are reading this, I'm sorry and you have every right to fucking hate my guts. For those who've experienced it and stayed, thank you and please ready for more. On a positive note though, I'm handling it a lot better, and if you are experiencing the same, don't be scared to find help. Stay strong.
That's all I guess?
Như.
Sunday, 15 October 2017
Reset Button
When I started this blog I wanted it to be somewhat a fashion/lifestyle blog but I was always lazy or unspired to write and I realised that I was never what I wanted to write or why I wanted to write. It will be still be related to fashion but maybe not so much about lifestyle cause if you know me, I don't really have the best lifestyle.
To help explain this sudden change, you have to understand why I write. I love writing, I know I'm not particularly good at it and I know I'm definitely not very engaging but I write because sometimes I'm too afraid of the things that come out of my own mouth. I write because I can express my feelings without saying a word. I write because I don't have to wait for a response and honestly, I don't need a response. Last but not least, I write because it eases my insanity (as I mentioned in my previous post).
Some of you might know this, this is not my first blog, I also abandoned my other blog because I wanted to have a fresh start, I wanted to write about things that I actually enjoy writing about yet I almost failed again, I was starting to drift away from this blog. Until today, after a wave of depression and a massive headache, I found out what I truly wanted to write about and from today I'm writing for myself. I'm sick of thinking what others might think when they read my blog, it's a fucking personal blog and it will be for me and the people who give a shit about my life (or my irrational thoughts). I'm sorry if I'm being selfish, I'm just too tired now to really care about what random people think. To those who choose to continue reading, my life/thoughts is/are really not that interesting, well in my opinion.
By the way, I changed it to ciggarettes and coffee because these substances are keeping me running (oh and my boyfriend).
Oh and cigarettes is unavailable so that's why it's gg not g.
Well, thank you for reading?
Như.
Wednesday, 6 September 2017
Love, Lost and E.t.c.
Disclaimer: This is not a cheerful blog post or lifestyle related. In fact this is quite personal and there will be a fuck ton of swearing so do read at your own risk.
Wow. Where do I begin? It has almost been a year since I last updated my blog, which is terrible. A lot of shit happened within the last one year. I've changed so much as a person, obviously I went down a rough patch of my life and everything was fucked up, but things are brighten up I hope.
I originally wrote this blog when my heart was filled with love and joy, that's why it's so pink, but also because pink is my favourite colour. When things changed, I changed as well, a blunt way to describe it is that I'm not as bright and bubbly, hitting adulthood I also lost my old self. Within the last one year, I've hurt plenty of people, even once that I once loved dearly. I did quite some travelling in Summer, main purpose was to escape reality for a while, seeking for serenity. Me, myself and I went to Bali, Singapore and Malaysia in 2 weeks during July/August. Although it wasn't that long but I guess I learned quite a bit, especially how to not die because there were some close calls. Yes, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend but I also found someone new, quick I know but it's a long story and there is no excuse for me being a bitch. My current relationship is sailing smoothly with both of us loving and respecting each other and I'm glad I found him although it was very spontaneous, which I personally love.
Right now I'm just trying to find and improve myself, hoping to cure my shitty occasional social anxiety so that university won't be a shit show in November. Besides trying to manage my insanity, I'm also currently volunteering for animal shelters in Singapore and that will also be where I'm starting my university, although it's only temporarily. Why Singapore? Firstly, my boyfriend is in Singapore, secondly I have to wait for my Australian visa work and lastly I just need a break from Saigon. Saigon, I fucking love that place to death but with its beauty, a lot of pain and dark memories are associated with it so I just needed to get away for a while. Don't worry I will be back.
Something quite random yet sensitive that I want to share with you guys is how to deal with depressive thoughts and negative feelings because I know a lot of people are suffering from it and I found a really effective way to deal with the shitty situation. If you are accessible to the brand "Knock, knock", I know it's available in Singapore but if you are find one of their journals that's called "My dysfunctions", I will attach an image below, but this journal was designed for people with unstable thoughts that aren't able to express it. Instead of sharing it out loud, which you might feel uncomfortable or bottle it up, which might cause you to internally explode, another way is to write and express it out through words. I must admit it's not the cheapest purchase but it's definitely very worthy for its purpose. I've been spending time introspecting myself and updating my journal everyday. Every time I complete an entry I feel like some of my weights have been lifted and I feel elevated in a way.
Here is an image of the journal:
Wow. Where do I begin? It has almost been a year since I last updated my blog, which is terrible. A lot of shit happened within the last one year. I've changed so much as a person, obviously I went down a rough patch of my life and everything was fucked up, but things are brighten up I hope.
I originally wrote this blog when my heart was filled with love and joy, that's why it's so pink, but also because pink is my favourite colour. When things changed, I changed as well, a blunt way to describe it is that I'm not as bright and bubbly, hitting adulthood I also lost my old self. Within the last one year, I've hurt plenty of people, even once that I once loved dearly. I did quite some travelling in Summer, main purpose was to escape reality for a while, seeking for serenity. Me, myself and I went to Bali, Singapore and Malaysia in 2 weeks during July/August. Although it wasn't that long but I guess I learned quite a bit, especially how to not die because there were some close calls. Yes, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend but I also found someone new, quick I know but it's a long story and there is no excuse for me being a bitch. My current relationship is sailing smoothly with both of us loving and respecting each other and I'm glad I found him although it was very spontaneous, which I personally love.
Right now I'm just trying to find and improve myself, hoping to cure my shitty occasional social anxiety so that university won't be a shit show in November. Besides trying to manage my insanity, I'm also currently volunteering for animal shelters in Singapore and that will also be where I'm starting my university, although it's only temporarily. Why Singapore? Firstly, my boyfriend is in Singapore, secondly I have to wait for my Australian visa work and lastly I just need a break from Saigon. Saigon, I fucking love that place to death but with its beauty, a lot of pain and dark memories are associated with it so I just needed to get away for a while. Don't worry I will be back.
Something quite random yet sensitive that I want to share with you guys is how to deal with depressive thoughts and negative feelings because I know a lot of people are suffering from it and I found a really effective way to deal with the shitty situation. If you are accessible to the brand "Knock, knock", I know it's available in Singapore but if you are find one of their journals that's called "My dysfunctions", I will attach an image below, but this journal was designed for people with unstable thoughts that aren't able to express it. Instead of sharing it out loud, which you might feel uncomfortable or bottle it up, which might cause you to internally explode, another way is to write and express it out through words. I must admit it's not the cheapest purchase but it's definitely very worthy for its purpose. I've been spending time introspecting myself and updating my journal everyday. Every time I complete an entry I feel like some of my weights have been lifted and I feel elevated in a way.
Here is an image of the journal:
Totally not saying that you must buy the journal, anything notebook should be fine. The point here is just fucking write it down if you enjoy writing because it fucking helps.
Not sure what else I want to update you on but I think I got most of the important parts updated. Hopefully my next post will be in the near future because I do miss blogging.
Love you all and stay strong,
Như.
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